2009 MINI John Cooper Works

Except for a racing shifter kart, I haven’t had this much fun in a motor vehicle in years. The 2009 MINI John Cooper Works hardtop edition is an old-school rush. Come to think of if, the kart kicked the fire out of my ribs, so the Cooper Works model is the most entertaining vehicle I’ve driven since I piloted the trailer portion of a hook-and-ladder fire truck.

Driving Fun

The MINI John Cooper Works hardtop is just flat fun to drive—aggressively fast. Since it doesn’t have hoonishly high horsepower, an assertive driver must rely on higher cornering speeds and precise line selection. Drivers of high-horsepower cars can stop in the turns and overcome lack of driving skill with power. (Those who can’t shoot, buy a more powerful gun. Those who can’t drive, get a more powerful car. This is also the reason for “enhancement” drugs.)


I have grown tired of gargantuan pickups that are harder to keep between the lane lines than an 80,000-pound Freightliner. I’m worn out with 6,500-pound, eight-passenger, 370-horsepower station wagons that get single-digit miles per gallon blowing down the Interstate at 15 over the 70 mph speed limit. I’m sick of 300- to 600-horsepower cars that any dimbulb with an 810 credit rating can drive off the lot. Back in the day, Formula 1 Grand Prix racecars didn’t make that much power. Check the odometer on a used seven-year-old Viper or Porsche Turbo: It’s often less than 10,000 miles. That means the owner scared the snot out of himself the first time he stood on the gas and parked it in the garage to hold his buddies beer cans.


The Cooper Works model is the opposite of those. A garage that would barely accept a single Tahoe, might accommodate three skillfully parked MINIs. (Four, if you’d move some of that junk you never use.) Yet there’s more than plenty of room inside. A man of small butt can wear a Stetson Walton in the back seat, though the climb back there might be a challenge.

Perfect Balance

The most entertaining thing about the 2009 MINI John Cooper Works is its balance between power and handling. Its turbocharged, 208-horspower, 1.6-liter four-cylinder engine with direct fuel injection is in perfect harmony with its 205/45R17 Continental SportContact SSRs and sweetly tuned suspension. MINI could have added more horsepower or bigger, stickier tires but that equilibrium would be lost. Piloted with skill, the 208 horses and the narrow but sticky Contis are a perfect match.


An aside, when those gumball Contis wear out, a few birdbrain John Cooper Works model owners might install cheap all-season rubber. They’ll then complain how their car’s handling has gone to the dogs and the traction control has developed an overactive mother-in-law gland. The answer is the bad replacement all-season tires. When you buy a $31,800 (or any) performance car, put good tires on it. The original-equipment SportContact SSR are among the least-expensive offering in that size, though the Michelin Pilot Exalto 2 costs a bit less and are especially good in the rain. Do not get all-season tires unless you plan to drive it in the snow: All-seasons have less grip both wet and dry.

Safety Check

Red Brembo brakes, a superb anti-lock braking system, traction control, locking differential and electronic stability control help make up for those times when the driver overestimates available traction or, more frequently, his skill. Well driven, you’ll never know the ESC or traction control is operating. Both of these computer aids are as if your guardian angel is Aryton Senna: Without admonishment, he pulls back the throttle ever so slightly or drags the brakes another second, just to keep you out of trouble.